204 - DOT Com
The DOT (Dept of Transportation) hires Moe, Larry, and Shemp.
Get hired
Meet boss
Help boss get elected for union
Do stupid things
Wrong lanes, sleeping on job, put things on highway to pick up, build bridge
Put cones during traffic, rescue hanging from bridge, incidents with traffic
Get fired
Scene I
Once again, MLS are looking for a job
Larry is reading the paper at the kitchen table. "Moe, let's work for a dot com company."
"dot com? What is that?"
"I don't know, but Wall Street Journal says that there are a lot of people who end up as millionaires that start them."
"Wall Street Journal? Who sits around and writes about a street?"
"No, no. It is an investment magazine."
"That is even worse. Who would invest in streets?"
"It's about finance and high rollers."
"You have three dollars to your name and you're reading Wall Street Journal?"
"The side effect of reading it is that after I pay for it, I'm broke."
"Here's some free advice."
"Free? Thanks! I'll take it."
"You got it." Moe pulls out a clump of Larry's hair. "Owwwww" screeches Larry.
"Here's an ad for one. 'DOT is hiring.' Boy, are they cheap...they didn't even put com after their name."
Curly, "I'll call them up and schedule an interview."
Moe, "Ok. You can use what we learned in the class 'Interviewing for Idiots'"
Curly dials the number and is immediately put on hold.
After a while...
"Hey, Curly. You have cobwebs on your arm."
Suddenly...
"Hello, DOT? This is Curly. I want to speak to blank about getting a blankety-blank job with your blank company."
Curly covers up the phone and asks Moe, "How did I do?"
"Mr. Curly? What qualifications do you have?"
Curly reads the cue card verbatim, "I have blank qualifications."
"He hung up on me."
Moe, "We'll show up in person. That way, they have to interview us."
Scene II
The interview.
Trina (the) Trukk the truculent admin greets MLC with her usual charm: "What do you want, gopherface?"
"We are here to apply for a job."
"Fill out this paperwork. Then you have to take an intelligence test."
Without looking up from reading her Danielle Steel novel, Trina shoves a stack of papers in the direction of Moe. "Fill these out, bowlcut"
The boys sit down and start filling out the red tape.
Curly whispers to Moe, "This is easy to fill out. It's blank."
Moe looks over at Curly's application.
"You onionhead. You're reading the back of the application. Turn it over."
"OOOHHHHHH"
Curly turns the application over only to find boxes and squares everywhere with 6 point print (reeeeaaal small).
Curly chooses his first answer scientifically, "Eenee meenie minee moe. Can't go wrong with Moe!"
Moe, "Oh yes you can!"
"What are you doing, porcupine?"
"I answer the questions then go back and read them to see if they are right."
The bouncer like interviewer, Magilla, screens each applicant.
Reading the next applicant's name from his clipboard, Magilla continues the screening process. "Curly Q. Link."
"That is Sir Curly, to you."
"What?"
"The application asked for my surname. And I'm Sir Curly Q. Link the two and seven eighths."
"You're a zero."
Scene III
The first day. MLC meet their new boss. Same as the old boss.
Boss Hoss greets MLC with a hearty handshake, "Welcome to the Dept of Transportation."
"What? I thought this was a dot com?"
"You thought you applied for a dot com? Well, you have the intelligence required for DOT."
"Do we get stock options?"
"Sure do. You keep the refrigerator stocked with beer."
"So, what are we supposed to do?"
"Every hour we draw straws. Whoever gets the shortest straw has to work. The rest of us stand around and look busy."
"How can you do this?"
"We're government workers."
The 23 DOT workers stand around boss Hoss and draw straws. Fred loses thus he has to work.
"Ok, Moe and Larry. You walk up to that light pole down there, and then walk back. Remember to walk SLOW and carry something. Curly, you open your car trunk and stare at it for an hour. Every once in a while, move the tire jack from one side to the other."
"Why are you digging a hole here?"
"So we can fill it in later when we're not busy."
"But we are never busy."
"Yes we are...we're digging holes most of the time."
Fred Foreman, the foreman, needs several things done by four, man.
"Curly, could you get me a few cones? I need to block off Elm Street."
Curly complies: "Sure thing. I'll be back before you can say Eeglesmiffenosespray."
FF: "Hey, you that looks like a tumbleweed. Come here."
Larry runs up to FF.
"Carry this sign up and down the highway."
"What does it say?"
"Don't say nothing. You gotta look at it."
Larry holds up an election sign that says: "Foreman the foreman for foreman"
"Who is your opponent?"
Foreman: "Sam Sminglehoff."
Larry, "Where does he live?"
Fred motions his head toward an overpass, "In that concrete abutment. Care to run against me?"
Larry frowns as he nervously glances at Sam's new home.
"Uh, no thanks. I don't like the accommodations."
Curly pulls up in the DOT pickup with a bag full of goodies.
"Oh, Mr. Foreman! Here are your cones. All they had was vanilla wafer."
Foreman the foreman picks out a cone. "I'm supposed to block off Elm Street with this cone? Here."
F the F squashes the cone in Curly's face.
"It's raining outside. How are we supposed to fill in the potholes on Seventeenth Avenue?"
"You don't. We sit around and play cards until the rain stops."
Larry walks out the back door. "Hey! It is sunny on this side of the building." No one pays attention. He continues his investigation and walks around to the front. Hmmm. A sprinkler is mounted over the front door.
Gravell walks up to Moe, "Da boss wants to see you. He has some work for you to do."
Moe walks over Boss Hoss.
"We're doing some painting under the bridge. Route the traffic around the bridge."
"You can count on us."
Scene IV
Later...
"I just got a phone call from the tollbooth up the road. They keep seeing the same cars over and over."
Boss Hoss frowns as he hangs up the phone. Watch out Moe!
Moe explains to the boss, "We routed the cars so they would not go under the bridge and interfere with you."
"Let me see."
Foreman drives his white pickup down to the sight and inspects MLC's work.
"You idiots! You routed the northbound traffic over the bridge then back south. You routed the southbound traffic over the bridge then back north.
Moe is holding up the slow/stop sign to regulate traffic around the work area. "Hmmm. I haven't seen a car in half an hour."
"Hey, Marty! Where are the cars?"
Marty looks down the road and sees a very long line of cars. Curly is asleep at his post.
"Curlyyyyy! Wake up and turn the sign from 'stop' to 'slow'"
"Ok. We have to repair the bridge. Route the traffic around the bridge. This time do it right."
"You can count on us."
"That is what I'm afraid of."
Bill the barrier builder remarks to Marty, "That is the third splash I've heard today. The flying fish must be jumping pretty high."
"Hmmm. I better investigate. Those three oddballs you hired."
"AHHHHH! You idiots! Take down those cones.!" Bill runs back to Boss Hoss.
"Those morons diverted traffic around the bridge."
BH, "Just like I told them."
"And into the river."
MLC reroute the cars.
"Boss Hoss is coming with his workers. He does not look happy."
BH: "You routed the mayor's car into some fresh cement. Now he is stuck."
Moe points to behind BH. "He'll help you."
When BH turns to look behind himself, MLC take off running.
"Hey Moe. I think our coworkers want to play baseball. They all have bats."
@
Short #204
© 2001 Doug DePrenger