223 - (Come out and) Pray with Me

Moe, Larry, and Shemp graduate from the "EZ Skul of Electronicals" and get a job fixing a church organ. Father Flim Flammigan presides.

Scene I

Moe, Larry, and Shemp are at graduating ceremonies held at Jim’s Gym in a gym-size gym owned by Jim and managed by his brother Gim. Dean Dean is congratulating each scholar and handing him his diploma. He has three left…

"Larry Fine, graduatus porcupinus" announces the Dean to the crowd.

Larry rises with a smug look on his face, brushes himself off, and starts to strut up to the podium. Moe trips him.

Moe: "Excuse me, professor!"

Larry continues his mission and receives his sheepskin.

The Dean praises Larry. "Here you are, Larry. Good luck!"

"Shemp Howard, graduatus moronicus" announces the Dean.

Shemp splashes some Elmer’s hair tonic on his hair, looks around.

"Hey that’s me! I graduatededed" squeals Shemp as he pushes back his chair and starts the long walk to the podium.

Mr. and Mrs. Shemp Senior look at each other, smile, and exchange eye pokes.

"Our only son finally finished after seven years. Look at him - all prim and proper. What a professional" sighs Mrs. Shemp.

Shemp proudly walks down the middle isle toward the stage when all of a sudden a hornet flies down the back of his shirt.

"owww ohhhh woaahhhh"

Shemp goes nuts - spins around on the floor like a pinwheel – bounces up and down like a porpoise. Finally the hornet finishes his job and leaves.

Moe and Larry run up to help their flailing friend.

"Shemp, are you ok?" they ask.

"Yeah, a hornet was horning in on me, but I wrassled him down and won," replies Shemp.

The hornet, in the meantime, circled around Shemp, sneaks up behind him and stings him, but good, in the rear.

"owwwwww!!"

"Heehee, I win!" proclaims the hornet, still buzzing around.

Moe pulls Shemp up by the hair and kicks him.

"Get up and get your diploma mongoose!" orders Moe.

Moe and Larry return to their seats.

Shemp wanders, still delirious, up on stage. He staggers near the edge of the stage then falls into the orchestra pit. right on top of the first chair violinist.

"My Stradivarius! It broke! You, you, idiot" laments the violinist.

He picks up a flute and whacks Shemp on the head. He then grabs Shemp’s suspenders, pulls them back, and lets them snap. Shemp involuntarily runs through the brass section, trips, and gets his head stuck in a tuba.

"Helllpp. I got tubaphobia (fear of getting your head stuck in a tuba)" cries Shemp in a muffled voice.

Shemp ambles around, crunching violins and other delicate instruments.

"Can’t that moron even graduate right! Let’s go." Moe whispers loudly to Larry. Moe and Larry again walk up to the stage pushing people aside.

"Watch out, step aside, outta of the way, baldy! Move it, you polecat"

"Moe, where are you? What’s that crunching sound?" asks Shemp, still wandering aimlessly.

Moe talks into the tuba’s mouthpiece: "Shemp, are you ok? We’ll pull the tuba off you"

Shemp bumps the pianist who stumbles and falls into his grand piano. The lid flips over and snaps back and smashes him into the innards of the piano.

"Moe, where are you?"

"Hold still, Einstein. We’ll get you out. Ok, Larry, count to three and we’ll pull this albatross off Shemp"

"One, ah, um, er" starts Larry.

Moe shows Larry two fingers. "Two" continues Moe and poke him in the eyes.

"Three!"

Moe and Larry lift the tuba off Shemp. He’s finally loose.

Moe kicks Shemp.

"Now get up there and graduate!"

"Here you are, Shemp Howard. Good luck" says Dean, glancing over at the damaged orchestra area.

"Thanks, Doc!" and shakes the Dean’s hand.

Uh-oh. Shemp used glue for his hair tonic. Now they are stuck. The Dean bonks Shemp on the head with a diploma.

"You idiot! Now get over to the side and shut up while I hand out the last diploma."

"Moe Howard, graduatus lastus"

Moe strolls up on stage and gets his diploma.

"Have one for the road" suggests the Dean.

"There’s two for the road," says Moe. Then Moe winds up and eyepokes Shemp and the Dean.

Moe reaches in his pocket and gets a tube of "Elmer’s Unglue. The glue that unglues glue that shouldn’t be glued". After squirting some on their hands, the fast action causes momentary separation.

"Here’s something to remember me by" says Dean and slaps Moe and Shemp.

Moe and Shemp retort: "Here’s something to remember us by" and both squash his head with their hands like bookends.

"Ooooo! Let go!"

Dean’s finale is getting pounded in the stomach and flattened.

"Bye, Deany weeny" and walk on Dean, flattening him.

Moe drags Shemp by the nose "C’mon titmouse. We have to get a job"

Scene II

The next day. It is a rare nice, sunny day. MLS are walking down Main Street, peering in every window looking for work.

"AAAAAaaaaahhhh!!!"

A wrench flies out the window and hits Shemp in the head.

Shemp: "Sorry, lady. I didn’t know this was your house."

"Hey, Moe. Are we repairmen?" asks Shemp.

"Yes, that’s what the diploma says. ‘Official EZ Repairman’"

"Then I’m getting out of here!"

Shemp starts to run down the street. Moe grabs a lasso off his belt, twirls it overhead a few times, and hooks Shemp. He drags him back to Go.

"Where are you going?" inquires Moe.

"Moe, that sign says ‘Wanted 3 Repairmen’. I don’t even know what we did, but the cops are after us!"

"You turnip. They want three workers; now get in there and work!" Shemp and Larry get an extra shove from Moe.

Shemp wags his finger at Moe "You said a bad word: ‘work’"

"Owwwch!" Moe bites Shemp’s finger.

"GET IN THERE AND GET A JOB!"

Shemp and Larry run through the door into Al’s repair shop followed by Moe.

"The jail is two blocks south of here," says Al, without looking up.

Moe: "No, we want a job. We just graduated from EZ Skul of Electronicals. Give us a chance!"

Larry: "and a job, too" That earns a hair pull.

"Quiet, shrubhead. Let me handle this"

"C’mon Al"

"Ok, can you fix..."

Shemp interrupts. "Yes, we can. The best fixers that ever fixed a fight, I mean..."

Al bonks their heads together.

"Congratulations, you’re hired. Go to 1842 Rectory Way and talk to Father Flim Flammigan. His church needs their organ repaired. Now GO"

Moe, Larry, Shemp grab a toolbox and run out the back door, knocking over several TV sets and parts bins. Al is steaming!

"We’ll pick them up when we get back...if we get back"

Scene III

MLS are at the steps of "The Right of Way Church" at the corner of Halo and Wings Street.

"Train leaving on track 4. All aboard!" yells Larry.

Larry runs his eyes over the entire outline of the church. "Look at the size of this shack! Giants must live here"

Moe starts knocking at the door. Shemp steps in front of Moe to read the plate. Moe starts knocking on Shemp’s head "Out of the way, plug ugly!"

A Father answers the door "Yam I help you?"

"We are looking for Father Flim Flammigan."

"I am him."

"We’re here from Al’s"

"Er’ouy here to fix the church’s organ?"

In unison: "What’s da matta with you?"

Flim Flam, "I have a rare disease called tsrifwrong – every first word I pronounce in a sentence is backwards."

Flim Flam, "Era you a believer in God?"

"No, our company is full of athiests."

"Oh, a nonprophet organization."

After a pause…

FF: "Eht organ is this way, boys…over there" as FlimFlam points past the pews.

"What’s wrong with it?" asks Shemp.

FF: "Fi I knew I’d fix it" and pokes Shemp in the eyes.

FlimFlam continues. "There is a buzz. I need it removed"

Moe, motioning to Larry "Get the tools"

Larry, motioning to Shemp "Get the tools"

Shemp, motioning to a mouse. "Get the…low man again" and walks dejectedly out to the truck. Meanwhile, Moe and Larry open up the organ and gaze inside.

Shemp arrives with a Radio Flyer wagon full of tools.

Moe, looking in the organ: "Wiresnazzers"

Larry "Get the wiresnazzers"

Shemp grabs a pipe wrench and gives it to Larry who passes it to Moe.

"No, wiresnazzers" and whacks Larry with it.

Larry bonks Shemp with the pipe wrench. "Wiresnazzers!!"

Shemp "Oh, those wiresnazzers" and gives Moe a wiresnazzer.

Moe is reaching blindly down in the guts of the organ. "I think I got something!" <Yeeoooowwww!> Moe pulls his hand out with a rat trap on it.

"Get this thing off! Yeeoowww!"

Shemp points and laughs. "It caught a big rat!"

Moe stomps on Shemp’s foot "Get this off!"

Shemp pries it open and Moe removes his hand.

"Here, Moe. Take the trap." Moe reaches for it and gets nailed again.

"Yeeooowww!"

Larry pries the trap off of Moe. "Thanks, porcupine" says Moe dryly.

"Thanks, Shemp" and pulls a clump of Shemp’s hair. "Go stuff a mattress!"

Moe "I’m exhausted and hungry from all this work. I’m going out and get us some vittles."

"Ok, Jethro."

Flim Flam, "I hear the tintinnabulation calling me to the rectory. I will be back later, boys." Father picks up his Bible, slightly nods, and shuffles out.

A few hours later…

A frustrated and tired Shemp sits down on the organ bench, "Larry, I’ve taken every part out of this organ and still no buzz. What’s a buzz look like?"

Larry "Well, ah, hmmm. I’m not sure. I think it has wings..."

Moe walks in with a sack of sandwiches. "What are all those parts from?"

Shemp points to Larry, "He did it"

Larry points to Shemp, "No, he did it"

Moe, "No, but you’ll get it " and conks their heads together.

Larry, "Can it. Here comes Father FlimFlam. Moe, go stall him, we’ll get rid of the parts."

"Why did you pull my hair out?"

Moe, "For taking charge."

Moe runs up to FlimFlam and starts idle talk while gently herding him away from the organ pit. Shemp grabs a shovel marked "Parts Eradicator" while Larry opens the organ. Shemp shovels all the parts in the organ (shown in fast motion) and Larry slams the lid shut. They both start whistling and looking around at the ceiling.

After the scene is clear, Moe hurries back ahead of Flim Flam. "Larry, take this CD player and hide behind the organ. Listen for clues." whispers Moe.

Moe "Hi Father"

Father "Woh are you boys doing? Si the buzz gone?"

Moe, under his breath, "Yeah, and everything else"

"Tahw?"

"Oh, nothing Father."

Father sits down at the ‘new’ organ. "I think I’ll play Amazing Grace". Father sits down, pulls back his robe and begins to play. Larry frantically loads the Amazing Grace CD and starts it.

Father "Tath sounds so good. Good quality, mind you."

Shemp, "CD quality."

Father finishes the song. "Woh would you like to hear ‘Rock of Ages’?"

"Sure Father"

FlimFlam motions to play but suddenly stops and scratches his ear. Larry, unfortunately, starts the CD. Father starts playing. "Yhw did the organ start before I did?"

A red-faced Shemp tells him, "Pre-reverb"

"Ho" Father keeps on playing the song.

A crossed legged bouncy Shemp whispers to Moe "I gotta go to the can man. I saw it when I came in. Be back in a flash" Shemp leaves to continue his business.

Father, satisfied, tells the Stooges he has to go to afternoon prayer. "ll’I be back later with Father Flan so he can practice for tonight’s recital."

Shemp comes back in a few minutes.

Shemp looks around then whispers to Moe: "Hey Moe, I think Flim Flam is a crook. I found a wad of money in the bathroom. I think he’s holding out on the congregation. By the way, the bathroom is really nice – plush velvet."

"You idiot! That was the confessional booth!"

Larry, "Stop it! We need to right a wrong."

MLS gather in a circle with their arms over each other’s shoulders. "Now here’s the plan..."

Scene IV

Father FF is finished listening to racy confessions and MLS are finished "fixing" the organ.

Moe opens the top of the organ.

In unison they sing "Oh, father, fatHER, FATHER. Come and seeeeee. What we did for theeeeee."

Father saunters over and looks inside the top of the organ. MLS slam the lid on his head and knocks him out – then push him in the organ and nail the lid shut. Moe calls the cops on his cell phone.

"We caught Father Flim Flammigan stealing money from the people of the church. He’s nailed shut in the church organ"

"Ok, we’ll be there in a minute," answers the Sergeant.

Father wakes up. Realizing he is trapped inside the organ, Father sticks his hand out the foot volume control hole and feels around on the floor. "Hmmm. Cold tile. This feels like the bench." He probes around some more. "This feels like...like teeth!"

"OWWWW!" Moe bites the hand that didn’t feed him.

"Let me out of here!" He starts pounding on the side of the organ.

Moe yells back through the side vent, "No, you crook. Shaddup!"

Moe switches to internal speaker, puts the volume on ‘high’ and holds down a bunch of keys.

Father bangs his head on the lid and knocks himself out again.

Meanwhile, the cops have the church surrounded.

"Come out with your hands up."

Moe, Larry, and Shemp immediately walk out with their hands high in the air.

"You caught the infamous Father FlimFlam Fleecem" You’ll get a handsome reward for this. Which one of you is Fleecem?"

MLS look around. "None of us."

Moe, "Shemp, I thought you were leading him out."

Shemp, "No! You were."

Larry, "No! You were."

Moe, "He is in the church organ. We trapped him there."

Officer Smith salutes, "No one in the organ or anywhere."

Sergeant Slone, "YOU IDIOTS! Father Fleecem has escaped."

Shemp shrugs. "There goes our tuition."

Larry, "There goes our room and board."

Moe, "There go our jobs."

A frowning Slone walks slowly toward MLS with his hand on his pistol, "There goes my promotion!"

MLS make a quick exit down Halo Street.

"Come back here!" says Sergeant Slone in hot pursuit of his quarry.

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