Episode 228 - The Spruce Moose
Moe, Larry, and Curly build wooden moose that go awry.
Scene I
Larry is reading the morning newspaper from his favorite chair. A very disturbing article graces the front page...
"Hey, Moe. Listen to this. For the past several years, the moose population has been decimated. The female moose has been abandoning the Northwest due to the lack of male moose. The governor is desperate and has promised a big reward to anyone who can solve this problem."
Maybe we can do something about it.
Like what?
Make some male moose.
How?
Larry, "We own that old, abandon sawmill that Uncle Phineas left us. Make them out of wood - there is plenty of it. Then we collect the reward!"
Moe, "For not having any brains, you sure have a lot."
Larry takes off his hat. "Are they showing?"
slap! "Not now"Scene II: Arrival at the Wooley Mammoth Lumber Mill
The boys are headed west along Oregon state road 6 toward their destination.
Curly: Moe, how much longer?
Moe: Five minutes less than the last time you asked.
Larry: There is the turn and the railroad tracks. What a goofy name for a city: Tillamook.
Curly: There it is! The wooley mammoth lumber mill. Let's go find Uncle Runkle.
"Hey Moe! Here's a note I found on the office desk. It's from Uncle Runkle."
"Read it"
"I can't read good."
"Well"
"Well, what"
"No, good"
"I'm not no good"
"That's two negatives. Here's two positives" doink!
Curly rubs his freshly poked eyes as the search for Uncle Runkle continues.
The note: Boys, I got tired of waiting for a profit, so I ran off with the circus as a human cannonball"
Scene III
The boys begin building moose from the abundant spruce forest nearby.
"Hammer!"
"Nail!"
"You imbecile! That nail is backwards. Give me another one."
Curly wipes his brow, "Our first moose. What do we feed it?"
Moe: "Curly. Go out and get some twigs for a snack and a branch for dinner."
Ok.
Later...
Where's the twigs?
"Like you said. I ate them; for a snack. They tasted woody."
Moe, "Those twigs were for the spruce moose."
Curly: "Speak!"
Moe: "This is a moose, not a dog"
SM: "Ruff ruff!"
Moe: "What the? The moose sounds like a dog. What did you feed it?"
Curly: "These" He hands Moe a box of Dog Log treats.
Moe:
Curly: I thought they were for mooses"
Larry frowns: "Great. Our lumber mill is now a dog pound."
Scene IV
The Stooges are just waking up in their triple bunkbeds...
Curly wanders into the stable. "Moe. Moe! The mice are gone!"
Moe: "Mice?"
Curly: "Yeah. Two or more moose."
Moe: "Here's two"
Larry: "How are we going to get paid?"
"We'll go out and find them then put moose tags on."
Scene V
Deep in the Oclawacla forest, Curly is dressed up as a plywood moose.
"Oww OWWW!" howls Curly.
Moe: "You sound like a wolf, not a moose."
Larry: "Moe. Look at all these tree stumps. You don't think the spruce moose gnawed the trees?"
Forest ranger, Mr. Range Forestt, appears on the main trail on his brown horse.
RF: "Boys, have you seen anyone chopping down trees?"
"No."
RF: "We've been after the Out-on-a-Limb gang for quite some time. They swoop in, hack a bunch of trees and haul them away before we can catch them. Big reward for their capture."
Moe: "You haven't seen any moose around?"
RF: "No."
Scene VI
The boys are in Clem's Coffee Klatch sitting on old red stools at the front counter. The black and white TV is blaring in the corner with the latest news and a loud hum.
Announcer: "Say hi to Chip and Dip. The Tillamook Zoo has captured a couple of wooden moose seen nibbling on an unfinished house. The kids love feeding them kindling, though Dip chipped a tooth trying to bite through a petrified stick. One of the zookeepers put it back in place with Elmer's wood glue. A neighborhood bakery is kindly creating balsacotti: twice-baked wooden treats."
Curly, pointing to the TV: "Hey Moe! They got some of our mooses!"
Scene VII
Chopwooder's hideout; home of the out-on-a-limb gang.
Chopper: "Dapper says we need to strip the north end of Porky Pig Forest tonight. By the way, there are some mogs around, so be careful."
The OoaL gang scurries out the door, only to find..
Bad guy 1: "Hey! It's snowing in July."
Bad guy 2: "No, it's sawdust - and it's sticking to my clothes."
Chopper: "It's those three dopes up in the trees. Ignore them. We've got choppin to do!"
"Ruff! ruff!" "Grrrr" "Woof"
"What's that? It sounds like dogs. Growls like dogs. Ouch! Bites like dogs."
"It's the moose dogs. Haallllp!"
"They think we're branches...and lunch. Ahhhhh!"
The gang runs into the waiting arms of the law.
RF tosses several treats to quiet the mogs.
Moe, Larry, and Curly get a nice reward.
Epilog
A month later, in the office of the Wooley Mammoth Lumber yard.
Moe: "I wonder what ever happened to the spruce moose?"
Larry pulls an envelope out of the top drawer of the desk. "I fogot. Range Forestt send a letter stating they found them consumed by termites. See - we should have coated them with creosote."
"Look! It's uncle runkle. He came in through the bathroom window."
UR: "Sorry boys. I was fired by the circus."
We'll send you back.
Curly loads the fireplace with TNT while Moe and Larry stuff UR down the chimney.
UR yells up the chimney: "I don't like the looks of this."
3...2...1...
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© Nov, 2015, Doug DePrenger
Episode 234