235 - Astronuts

Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny rescue Moe, Larry, and Shemp from a space station.

Scene I

Wrapping up a two-week vacation, Moe, Larry, and Shemp are returning from a matinee on a sunny, humid afternoon in Titusville, Florida. Walking along an oceanfront sidewalk they take in the breezes through the treezes and the mooses and the meeces and the gooses and the geeses.

"Hey! Don't spray that stuff on me, you seahag!" Shemp screams as he wipes the effluence off his face.

Homeless lady with the latest shopping cart design, "You'll smell nice, sonny. Here's a coupon for five dollars off your next purchase of Eau De Punk."

"It smells like Eau de Skunk."

Moe turns his back to continue his sojourn, "Get lost you pest."

After several minutes of walking, all Moe hears is crickets.

"What the? Where are those morons?" Moe retraces his steps and finds Shemp and Larry at a sidewalk newsstand perusing the latest issue of Model Railroader.

"Hey, idiots."

Shemp and Larry turn, "Oh that must be us."

Moe glares at them, arms crossed. "Why did you stop here?"

"You told us to get lost...so we did."

Moe grabs Larry by the hair and Shemp by the ear, "C'mon. We've got to get home - our plane leaves in a few hours."

Scene II

Cape Canaveral, Florida, in a secret room in a secret office in a secret building.

Standing stiff as his collar, General Firepants barks out his next order: "Yosemite Sam. You board the next rocket to the Myrrh space station. There are three astronauts stranded up there and you will rescue them.. Take an adjutant to help you."

Sam runs up to Firepants on his knees, hands clasped in prayer, "But General, sire, worcestershire, sir. I don't want to go - I'm afraid of heights."

"What is this?"

"A picture of a cold, dank, dingy, dirty jail in Siberia."

"That's right. See the temperature?"

"Uh, yes sir. Forty below zero."

"It is summertime there. Do I make myself clear?"

Sam forces a smile as he walks out the door. "Toothbrush is packed."

"Confounded, habaraba Generals."

Sam, talking to himself, trotting down Ocean Blvd. "Adjutants are soooo hard to find these days."

"Sam here."

It's the General. "Launch is in eleven minutes"

"Waaahhh! I can't find an adjutant."

{poof} A bubble over Sam's head shows him in a pillory with icicles hanging from his nose and ears with a torn up train ticket to northeastern Siberia lying at his feet.

"It is fifty below in vacation village."

"Yes, General."

"Jeez. I have ten minutes to find a helper."

Sam spies a candidate, "Hey rabbit. You are now an adjutant."

Bugs Bunny rubs his new badge, "I am? For truly and really? What's an adjutant?"

"You're my partner...but I'm the boss."

"What do I do, boss?"

Sam reads his checklist, "Your first assignment is to fill the spaceship with food."

"Spaceship? I'm not going on any spaceship."

"I have two friends who say you do!"

"And whooo are they?" Bugs leans against a wall, chomping on his current carrot.

"Revolver one and revolver two."

"eeeeee!" Bugs, "They are pretty convincing. Let's go, doc."

Sam, "I'm not a doc! I'm the rootinist, tootinist, shootinist hombre to pack a pair of pistols!"

"Ok, doc."

Scene III

Moe, Larry, & Shemp riding in a Rent-Some-Junk car. They have to ride in the front seat since the back seat is worn down to the springs.

Shemp points out the side window, "Hahahaha"

"What's so funny?"

"Look at the billboard: Try something new! Party with the fat ladies! Fun by the ton."

ML&S climb aboard an elevator to take them home.

"This will take us aboard. I can't wait to get back to Tulsa."

"I'm still woozy from the cologne that old bat sprayed on me."

Naive grocer, "May I help you, rabbit?"

Bugs, "Yes. I need two hundred bags of carrots. We're going on a loooong trip."

Scene IV

Entry to Apollo 6 - space capsule

Shemp is the last one in. "This elevator is pretty small; and full of gadgets."

Larry, "I wonder what this one does." He pulls a lever.

spaceship takes off

Moe's facial skin is plastered to his face. "This elevator is sure going up fast. Are we on the three hundredth floor?"

Scene V

Rescue spaceship

Sam licks his chops as he opens up the food center for his first space snack.

"What the? Where's the food?"

Bugs eyes over the receipt. "It's all there. Two hundred cases of carrots."

"Carrots?"

"Yes. Carrots. You put me in charge of supplies and carrots are what I supplied."

"Carrots?"

"Carrots."

"OOoooooo!" Sam eats his carrot, orange box and all.

Scene VI

Inside Spaceship Icarius...

Shemp floats over to the nearest microphone. "Hello. Connect me with room service. I need champagne with goat cheese and..."

"Gimme dat!" Moe grabs the mike. "Forget room service. How about a cab home?"

NASA space center, Houston, "Spaceship Icarius. This is Houston. How are you doing?"

Larry, "Spaceship? I thought this was an elevator."

Shemp, "Spaceship? I told you we wandered too far from the hotel."

Moe responds to the question. "Where are we headed?"

"The space station Myrrh."

Larry, "Is that in space?"

NASA, "Aren't you Spencer, Adams, and Jones, the three astronauts?"

Moe, "No. We're Moe, Larry, and Shemp, the Three Stooges."

Meanwhile, back at the rescue ship...

Sam drifts over to the ship's canteen and grabs it from Bugs "I'm thirsty."

"Pheww. This stuff tastes like carrots."

"It should." Bugs laughs, "It's carrot juice. Isn't it good?"

"Whar's the whiskey?"

"I was nice and brought a bottle of vintage Jackrabbit Daniels; made from genuine Kentucky carrot sourmash."

"Carrot whiskey? Yeccch."

Bugs, "You hurt my feelings. Just for that, no whiskey."

"Say your prayers, Rabbit!" Yosemite Sam aims his pistols at Bugs.

Bugs slowly pushes the guns away from his face. "I know the secret code to get us back to earth."

Sam eyes him suspiciously.

Scene VII

Aboard the Myrrh

"Shhh!" whispers Larry, "I hear something. I think we have burglars."

Door opens slowly.

Shemp and Larry, "Nya nya!"

Sam, "Put your hands up!"

Moe steps out from behind the door and eyepokes Sam.

Sam draws his revolver, "Eyepoke me again and I'll blow your carcass to kingdom come."

"To kingdom come?" Doug looks out the only window into deep, dark space. "We're already in kingdom come!"

Scene VIII

The landing...

After adjusting controls and twirling knobs, Sam announces, "Prepare to land."

"How do we do that?"

"Hold on tight!"

The place looks desolate. Yeah! We're back in Tulsa!

Wait a minute! Where's I-44?

Compusensor in hand, Doug assesses the situation. "According to my precise calculations, we are on the moon"

Sam, "I musta taken a wrong turn somewhere."

"This is Firepants. Why are you on the moon?"

Sam bounces up to the mooncam on his knees, "General, sire, sir. I had an overdose of carrot juice then I..."

"No excuses. I order you to get back to earth. My son has a baseball game and you are the umpire."

"Yes, mein Fuehrer."

"Look! Other people on the moon."

"I'm Alice."

Alice? Weren't you married to Ralph Kramden?"

"Yes. He finally sent me to the moon."

Moe, "I told you no!"

Shemp, "Moe. You just eyepoked the control panel."

"The rocket won't start."

Larry, "Maybe we need gas."

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